The five "Transformers" films in the ranking
30.6.2017
Translation: machine translated
Women and cars shouldn't work together? Stupid prejudice! I'll prove you wrong. I'll admit with a straight face: I'm a huge "Tranformers" fan. And because the latest part is currently showing in the cinema, it's only legitimate for a Bumblebee groupie like me to take a closer look at the old parts and put them in a ranking.
We actually have the toy brand Hasbro to thank for the whole 'Transformers' spectacle, which successfully produced action figures under this name in the 1980s. The idea is simple: boys love cars and robots - so why not produce cars that can be transformed into robots? And so everything takes its course. The first attempts to make a film about the little cult figures were made as early as 1986 and the animated film "Transformers - The Battle for Cybertron" was produced. The animated film was followed by a "Transformers" animated series that fascinated masses of children in the 1980s.
Obviously, at some point Hollywood came knocking and said: "Hey, let's make a big film". Unfortunately, the great expectations of the big film have turned into a big shake of the head. How stupid can these films get? But since the films are glorious trash, I sat down with a large portion of popcorn and watched all the films again. Here is a ranking
Place #1: Transformers (2007)
- Ranking: ★ ★ ★ ★
- Budget: approx. 147 million US dollars
- Revenue: approx. 710 million US dollars
The planet Cybertron has been destroyed by war. What is the war about? No plan. It's not important. The important thing is that the energy source, called the Allspark, is safe on Earth. There, the incredibly powerful artefact is discovered by teenager Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf). Unfortunately, the evil battle robot Megatron (Hugo Weaving) has also picked up the scent. But the Autobots are on the spot. Bumblebee takes on the role of bodyguard for Witwicky and so the young man - including his girlfriend in the form of Megan Fox - is drawn into the intergalactic war, gets to know the leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen), and has to watch as an entire city blows up.
By far the best part of the Transformers series is still halfway convincing. Sure, the plot is simple, but somehow it's all about one thing: giant killer robots smashing each other's heads in. This is precisely the film's weakness, as director Michael Bay's film wastes too much time showing Sam's parents on drugs and a horny dog. More explosions! More fighting! Nevertheless: I could watch the first part over and over again and never get bored. "Transformers 1" is my absolute favourite part!
Place #2: Transformers - Revenge (2009)
- Ranking: ★ ★ ★ ★ ✩
- Budget: approx. 200 million US dollars
- Revenue: approx. 836 million US dollars
Starscream (Charlie Adler), Megatron's arse-kissing friend, manages to wake up his leader and bring him back home, where the most evil of all is already waiting: The Fallen. The battle begins. The only difference: Sam is now at college and a little older, but for reasons that are more or less incomprehensible, he is still important to the war for Cybertron, which is now raging on Earth.
Young Witwicky has visions. And it's immediately clear: something terrible is about to happen! No time to put your feet up, because once again the fate of humanity is at stake. But Megatron is no longer the big enemy. The Fallen is at least ten times as bad.
With "Transformers - Revenge", Michael Bay loses a star. This is because the sequel basically repeats the story of the first instalment. Nevertheless, you definitely shouldn't miss the second instalment, because the film definitely screams action and is guaranteed to keep you hooked. Because once an Autobot fan, always an Autobot fan.
Place #3: Transformers 3 (2011)
- Ranking: ★ ★ ★ ✩ ✩
- Budget: approx. 195 million US dollars
- Revenue: 1.1 billion US dollars
Megatron wants revenge! This time the story is a little more complicated, because in the third instalment of the action series it is suddenly revealed that the Transformers were already in the vicinity of humans at the time of the moon landing. At the beginning, the car robots just poof, then they were already here at the time of the ancient Egyptians and now it's the 1960s?
It is 20 July 1969: Neil Armstrong is the first man to land on the moon with Apollo 11. The astronauts find a spaceship there. The humans keep the discovery of the wreckage a secret, and it is not until 40 years later that the Autobots learn of the so-called "Ark", which is still on the moon and contains important pillars for activating a space bridge. Together with the ship, Sentinel Prime (voiced by Leonard Nimoy) rests on the moon - he is the only one who can activate the space bridge.
In the meantime, Shia LaBeouf has said goodbye to Megan Fox and found a new girlfriend. In the third instalment of the "Transformers" series, the American struggles through normal life with girlfriend Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley). The pretty blonde works for Dylan Gould (Patrick Dempsey), who seems a little suspicious to Sam and increasingly provokes him. While Sam believes that Dylan wants to make a pass at his girlfriend, he's up to something completely different - because what his Autobots friend Sam doesn't know is that Dylan is working with the Decepticons.
With a clear conscience, Optimus Prime activates the robot Sentinel Prime after it has been brought to Earth, hoping for a positive co-operation. Of course, nothing goes according to plan, and Sentinel Prime has long since made a pact with Megatron. And evil takes its course...
We quickly realise that the quality of the films is steadily declining. Because what was still completely new and unfamiliar to the audience in the first part is less and less convincing in the third instalment. The subplots also seem superfluous and banal. Basically, this is another ruminating of the storytelling. Good versus evil, a happy ending and lots of action - come on Michael, you can do better than that.
Place #4: Transformers: Era of Doom (2014)
Children's film + Family film
CHF8.50
Transformers 4 Era of Downfall
DVD, 2014, German, English, Turkish
- Ranking: ★ ★ ✩ ✩ ✩
- Budget: approx. 210 million US dollars
- Revenue: approx. 1.1 billion US dollars
And suddenly you ask yourself: What the hell is going on here? No more trace of the likeable Sam Witwicky and his lovers. The focus is now on inventor Cade Yaeger (Mark Wahlberg) and his daughter Tessa (Nicola Peltz). When Cade, who likes to buy things that are ready for the scrapheap, buys a run-down truck, it turns out to be Optimus Prime. At least it's one we still recognise.
And so it is, because in the course of the almost three-hour (!) long film it suddenly comes to light that the Transformers were on Earth before mankind. They were responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs and have fought many wars. Seriously? Because previously it was said that they had stumbled upon Earth by accident while searching for a new planet, then Egypt, then 1960s and now dinosaurs. Somehow the third part makes little sense.
I particularly disagree with the sudden war between all the Transformers and humanity. Of course, the Autobots and Decepticons have already flattened several cities and killed thousands by this point, but Earth is still standing, right? Didn't the Autobots save their arse, and three times already? How about a simple thank you? No, the humans would rather hunt down their best friend. It paints a very good picture of Planet Earth.
The rest of the story is dull: good fights evil. Good wins. Sunset. Happy ending. But what makes the film seem strange in general is the appearance of paedophilia. Cade's daughter is underage. Nevertheless, I often look deep into her cleavage because director Michael Bay really wanted this shot. The subplots are completely incomprehensible this time.
With Michael Bay's fourth "Transformers" film, the box office may be ringing once again and bringing in more money than almost ever before, but after going to the cinema there's only one thing to say: "What the fuck did I just watch?" Well, we're pretty disappointed with Bay's performance, because the start of the film series would finally have been on the right track!
Place #5: Transformers 5: The Last Knight (2017)
- Ranking: ★ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩
- Budget: approx. 217 million US dollars
- Revenue: approx. 263 million US dollars (as of June 2017)
I'm lost for words, and not because the fifth instalment of the "Transformers" series is so brilliantly successful, but rather in a negative sense. I just can't believe what Michael Bay has served us here. After the fourth part, I was already devastated that the director had messed up the cool Transformers so badly, but the current part, which is currently showing in the cinema, really leaves me breathless.
I have so many questions for the makers of the new film. Why the hell are there suddenly baby robots that can't transform? And what happened to Yaeger's daughter? Does she still have her boyfriend? Is she going to university? Why the hell do King Arthur and drunken Merlin play a part? Then the Brits - the Autobots help the Brits? How does that come about? And what's going on with Anthony Hopkins? Is he broke, or why is he doing so much rubbish to himself? And do we really need the scenes in which we look deep into the cleavage of a 14-year-old girl?
I don't really know what it's about - the most important thing is that a Transformer decided to side with the British in King Arthur's time and help the poor drunkard and impostor Merlin. Voilà, the first alliance between mankind and Transformers was born. Why exactly the British are being helped, well, that's a question I ask myself. But at least there's still Cade Yaeger (I still wonder who the hell came up with that name) and his junkyard. Or rather, a new junkyard where he hides the Autobots being hunted by the humans. Because giant killer robots without any sense of decency are generally inconspicuous.
What happens next makes little sense. Yaeger finds a new daughter, is kidnapped to England by a human-like robot called Cogman, teams up with old Anthony Hopkins and then there are lots of stories about King Arthur and the Round Table. Once again, it's all about saving the Earth - only somehow everything is bigger, more powerful and more confusing.
Michael Bay follows his beloved motto "more is better" and delivers even more action, more bombastic battles, new characters, even new planets (Unicron?) and even more bang bang with "Transformers: The Last Knight". To put it bluntly, Bay overdoes it all! The film lacks logic and good acting, and we think it's a waste of money and time. A little tip on the side: the film is easier to endure with lots of popcorn and beer.
Let's get nostalgic for a moment and take a look back at all five parts. When it all started in 2007, we were still as happy as the toy fans back then. For me, it was like a throwback moment when I saw the trailer for "Transformers" for the first time: I remembered the little contented girl who loved playing with her Transformers figures and all the little arguments I had with my sister because she didn't want to share her car robots.
However, my anticipation diminished with every sequel. The first part still scored with the great unknown, which the other parts can't claim. The sequels are just rehashes of the first one. Sequels are not a problem, but they have to have new, gripping and entertaining things in store, expand or build up a world. Michael Bay's "Transformers" series doesn't deliver that. Somehow, despite action-packed battles and impressive special effects, the eternal battle to save humanity sooner or later bores even the most hardened fans among us.
So what is it that makes Michael Bay's film series so popular? Because although the more recent instalments are always criticised for the rubbish they've just watched, no one really manages to break the "Transformers" spell. The fourth part, the first without the cuddly Shia LaBeouf but with pretty boy Mark Wahlberg instead, also became a cinema hit in 2014 and broke the one billion dollar barrier. Despite this, the general public kept complaining about the junkyard-ready "Transformers", no matter how cool Peter Cullen sounds as Optimus Prime.
I think Michael Bay has created something really great with "Transformers" that I wouldn't want to miss. Although we grumble, the film world wouldn't be the same without the Autobots and Decepticons. Well, somehow it would have been enough after the third part, but even though parts 4 and 5 have their junk charm. The two films make no sense, but they have incredible special effects, a good soundtrack, terrible jokes and lots and lots of action scenes.
And now we want to know from you. What do you think of "Transformers"? Fan or foe? Which film is your favourite? Which one would you like to shoot to Cybertron and never watch again? We would like to hear your opinion on Michael Bay's science fiction film series. Perhaps you also have a childhood memory that you share with the characters in the film - here's a little food for thought:
And now: Autobots, roll out!
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I spend my everyday life with writing, eating, sports and sleeping - and in between a lot of humour. I love the summer, ice cream, chocolate, sunsets and walking barefoot. Traveling, exploring new worlds and experiencing adventures. And nothing beats a good pizza with good friends to a good movie.
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