Sleeping - a tiresome topic for children!
I am a breastfeeding counsellor IBCLC and a consultant for children's sleep from "1001kindernacht "*. Falling asleep, staying asleep and sleeping through the night is a topic that concerns all parents to a greater or lesser extent. The child sleep counsellors from "1001kindernacht" can support and accompany parents with this topic.
The most annoying question of all
"So, is your child sleeping through the night yet?" I've always wondered about this question. Don't they have eyes in their head? Can't they see the circles under my eyes that reach the floor? My face, which seems to have aged 10 years in a short space of time? By the time they answer "NO!" at the latest, they should have noticed my overt irritation.
The topic of falling asleep, staying asleep and sleeping through the night has affected me personally. This fact and the recurring points of contact with the topic in my professional field as a breastfeeding counsellor prompted me to complete the "1001kindernacht" sleep consultant training course with Sibylle Lüpold.
The grass doesn't grow any faster if you pull on it...
Moritz takes his first steps at 10 months and Gabi still can't walk at 15 months. It's all okay. Every child develops at their own pace. And that's a good thing. In general, it can be said that a child's sleep development lasts around 3 years and is closely linked to emotional maturity. In mum's womb and in the first few weeks after the birth, the sleep-wake rhythm is often still very irregular and not dependent on the day. Frequent and smaller meals are necessary to optimally support the enormous brain growth. Day and night. Further developmental spurts can turn the sleep-wake rhythm completely upside down again. And such spurts come and go in the first three years. In addition to these episodes, there are countless other reasons why a child has trouble falling asleep or why they wake up frequently. These can be, for example, changes in the family structure (separation, pregnancy, birth of another child, etc.), teething, elimination, hunger, dreams or drastic experiences from the day that are still preoccupying the child. There are very rarely medical reasons for poor sleep. However, this should be ruled out by a paediatrician before a consultation.
Who likes to sleep alone?
Sleeping problems are much more common in Western countries than elsewhere. Why? Because in other countries, children are not expected to sleep through the night as quickly as possible. Preferably alone in their own bed and alone in their room. Siblings or even whole families often sleep in the same bed or room. Children usually clearly demand their need for closeness, security and touch. In order to fall asleep, they need to relax. The child does not have to learn to sleep, it can already do this in the womb. Rather, it must learn to fall asleep in a relaxed manner. Both children and adults wake up several times during the night. Some realise this better, others less so. Some have no trouble falling asleep again immediately and usually cannot remember waking up at all in the morning. Others lie awake for hours, studying countless things until they finally relax and fall asleep again. How a child achieves this relaxation in order to fall asleep (again) is exactly what I try to find out with the parents as a child sleep counsellor. Safety is an important aspect because falling asleep always means a separation experience. Cognitively, young children are not yet in a position to know what falling asleep and sleeping means. It is an immersion into an indefinable, dark world. We adults know that we wake up again the next morning, that there are dreams and that we re-emerge into reality. So the situation when going to bed and waking up at night must be organised in such a way that the child can fall asleep and stay asleep in a safe and relaxed atmosphere. The child often feels safe and secure in the family bed or with a sibling in the room. If mum is still breastfeeding, it is usually easiest for everyone anyway if the child is within easy reach.
Needs-orientated - for everyone
We child sleep counsellors at "1001kindernacht" advise against so-called "sleep training". Deliberately leaving a crying child alone in their cot - no matter how long - so that they learn to fall asleep on their own and sleep through the night sometimes brings the desired calmer nights, but usually only in the short term. In the worst case, it can even cause behavioural problems at a later stage. No child should have to experience resignation because it is not heard and deliberately ignored. Their basic trust can be shaken as a result. On the other hand, parents should not have to adapt to the point of total exhaustion.
In child sleep counselling, we work together to find a change in the sleep situation that meets the needs of all Family members. Sometimes it makes sense to carry out the counselling directly at the parents' home. Together, you can often find various solutions to make the sleeping situation more comfortable. This may involve moving the beds, enlarging the sleeping area or redistributing the people. The father also plays an important role here. You can find initial inputs and tips as well as child sleep advisors in your area on Sibylle Lüpold's website.
*IBCLC stands for "International Board Certified Lactation Consultant". These lactation consultants have a medical background and have passed an exam on the topic of breastfeeding.
**"1001kindernacht" is a holistic and attachment-oriented sleep consultation that clearly differs from behavioural sleep therapy methods. It focuses on the individual needs of all Family members, the development and maturity of the child and the establishment of a secure parent-child bond. <p
I am married and mother of two sons. As a trained nurse HF, I worked in the maternity ward of the Stans hospital and in the Lachen hospital as head of the nursing outpatient clinic.
After my further training as a lactation consultant IBCLC and as a "sleep consultant 1001kindernacht" I am currently a freelance lactation consultant IBCLC in the canton of Zug and run my own practice in Unterägeri. I am also president of the board of the association kindLine, which runs the unique family centre in the canton of Zug.<br><a href="http://stillberatung-haeusler.ch/" target="_blank">www.stillberatung-haeusler.ch</a>