Fluffy, practical or fun – which of these 16 key ring types are you?
5.6.2022
Translation: Julia Graham
There are over 2,000 keyrings on Galaxus. Obviously way too many to keep track of. I felt the urge to create a sense of order. So here comes a small typology of key ring users.
Key rings are something I rarely buy. I don’t even know if I’ve ever bought one. But when my wife and I replaced the old diesel family car for an electric one, we ended up with two identical-looking car keys. So now I have to personalise them in order to tell them apart. Why is that so important? These high-tech keys remember things like seat adjustment and recently listened to radio stations. If we accidentally took the other’s keys, the journey wouldn’t be nearly as comfortable. In the worst case scenario – not with us, of course – you might even still see their affair on their WhatsApp chat history showing on the display. Doesn’t bear thinking about.
If I ever wanted to buy a key ring, then I’d obviously rather head to my favourite online shop. On galaxus.ch, the search for «key ring» throws up 2197 results. Help! The filters only help to a certain extent. Instead of endless scrolling, I first try to typecast them. What type of people would buy and use different kinds of key rings?
1. The «functional» ones
You’ve got somewhere between three and seven keys, and you don’t just want to leave them lying around separately. So what do you buy? A basic key ring. Problem solved.
If you identify as a «functional» kind of person but you still want to make your key ring a bit more extravagant, you can get attachable tags you label yourself. That way you always know which key is for which lock. This type of key ring is the one you often see in 2-star hotels, in janitors’ key boxes or in key safes. If you can’t read or if you remember things well based on colours, then skip the labels and go straight for coloured keycaps.
2. The «gadget gurus»
You’re in this category if you’ve spotted the opportunity a key ring offers. They’re not just handy for hanging your keys on; they also serve as practical helpers. Need an example? How about a mini LED torch that lights up even the darkest keyhole. And who hasn’t wanted a bottle opener in those moments of need?
3. The «adventurers»
This is a step on from the «practical» types. You wouldn’t even consider opening a bottle with a bottle opener. You love wild nature, the freedom of forests and mountains and the vastness of the ocean. If you’re going to drink something, you’d rather it was water from a coconut you’ve picked yourself from a palm tree. Your key ring needs to show all your fellow human beings that, if necessary, you’d be able to survive for three weeks in the deepest depths of the jungle. All thanks to your clever gadgets.
4. The «nature lovers»
Just like the «adventurers», you also have a thing for nature. But the difference being you see it more as a respectful partner you need to protect. All of that is encapsulated in your choice of key ring. Which is why you opt for designs made of materials gifted by nature. Does that include leather? I’m asking for a vegan friend.
5. The «connection seekers»
Your key ring was probably a present. People rarely buy these things for themselves. The little guardian angel or fish will have been from your devout Christian aunt. Your partner and children probably gave you the plexiglass thing with photos on both sides for Mother'’ Day. The metal heart with the engraving «V&R – love, forever» was a present your ex gave you when you’d been going out for three months. It was good while it lasted.
6. The «merch victims»
When you were younger, you had a tamagochi on your school bag because this was what ruled the merchandise market at the turn of the millennium. That was before an ice princess swept her off the scene along with a cheeky snowman. These days, it’s a lot easier to fall victim to the marketing machine. There’s a matching key ring for every film series and pop culture phenomenon. That way everyone knows whether you’re a Trekkie or a Mandalorian, or if you belong to the Simpsons rather than Superman clan. Frequent victims of the key ring merchandise mafia are children. Even though they rarely need keys, kids are already being «socialised». And that’s why you’ll see the Paw Patrol mutts hanging from school bags.
7. The «furry and feathery» fans
The hard and cold feel of a key may need this contrast. Is that why there are so many fluffy key rings? Shrunken teddy bears, goggle-eyed trolls, elephants, giraffes, lions and the list goes on. In short, anything that has fur can become a plush key ring. Alternatively, balls made of faux fur and pompoms act as dust and dirt catchers in your handbag. Within a few weeks, mite colonies have moved in and found themselves a new breading ground. Obviously, you could also wash the plush or fur thing. But nobody does.
8. The ones with «an eye for the skies»
The IWC pilot’s watch almost didn’t cut it, but at least the «Remove before flight» tag ticked all the boxes. At least it makes you feel a bit like Tom Cruise before he gets into his F14. But the thing is, why would we take a piece of fabric into the cockpit, which is actually something the mechanics who always stay on the ground deal with? There are surely more useful and pilot-worthy things.
9. The «bag fanatics»
You’ve understood that a key ring provides a limited number of uses. Wisdom has brought you to reach for the «wallet meets key ring and miniature handbag» combo. In other words, the lovechild that is the key case. Your keys find their home on the key ring, which you can store away in the case when you’re not using it. It’s a great invention — in some parallel universe that I don’t inhabit, at least.
10. The «matching couples»
You know those couples who buy matching raincoats for a bike trip or who take the same backpacks on a hike? Those are the perfect candidates for «couple look» key rings. For instance, they can each hang half a heart on their key ring. Puzzle pieces are also popular. But at the very least, they need to be identical metal plates with engraved names. Depending on the relationship, you then take your own name plate or your partner’s.
11. The «jokers»
You know those people who say things in the office like «Let’s stick to the fax» rather than «Let’s stick to the facts» and «If being good at Microsoft Office is a thing, then I Excel at it.» They’re candidates for key rings that scream «Hahahaha» so loud it gives you ear ache. Incidentally, there are more where those [annoying office phrases] (https://www.job-hotel.de/die-duemmsten-und-nervigsten-sprueche-der-lieben-kollegen/) (in German) came from.
12. The «glitz and glamour» ones
So, you’ve got your wrist, décolleté, fingers and ears already bejewelled. Where else can you add jewellery? To your keys, that’s where. There’s an ample selection of overpriced pieces that sparkle in hues of gold and silver and boast a luxurious appearance thanks to cut glass.
13. The «tech lovers»
It used to be easy to recognise this group by the USB stick on their key ring – you’d spot them often. Anyone who was able to take 4 GB or more from A to B at any given time was a hero in times of low bandwidth. In the 5G age, the majority of USB sticks have become obsolete. Forgetful Apple disciples use Air tags as key rings, while other tech enthusiasts don’t shell out as much and show their passion through humour.
14. The «ribbon wearers»
I associate lanyards with congresses and trade fairs. Plastic ID card covers like to hang from the wide ribbons. It has one side with my name on it, and on the other, there’s the entrance ticket with barcode or QR code, which you have to scan somewhere at every opportunity. Lanyards and ID covers are a bit like ear tags for cows. They’re always seen where you need to be able to distinguish a lot of individuals in an emergency. That’s probably why you often get lanyards at rock concerts. Lanyards are especially practical for those who sell them. You can produce nylon tape like that for a few cents, but with the right print or story, it can be sold for many times the value. That being said, the wide variety of lanyards now seems to be dying out. Its successor is the cord-like version.
15. The «souvenir connoisseurs»
I remember going on holiday with my godfather somewhere in the Allgäu. That’s where they had a rotating shelf with mini cow bells as key rings. Often labelled with names, from «Anna» to «Thomas» and «Zacharias». There were also a lot of names popular at the time, including «Matthias» and «Michael», «Simone» and «Sabine», the occasional «Rüdiger» or an «Angelika», or worst of all, «Martin». That’s what it was like back in the day. As a boy, I didn’t even have my own keys, but that didn’t stop me getting my uncle to buy me one of those mini cowbells. Some people are still drawn to these kinds of souvenir stands as adults. They buy a small Eiffel Tower, Statue of Liberty or a London double-decker bus on their city breaks for crazy prices. These trinkets on a key ring are then a lasting reminder of their lovely short trip.
16. The «careful» ones
If you have a key, you’re the type of person who faces the dangers lurking outside your own four walls. Be it at work, on the way there or just everywhere. That’s why you need a key ring that protects you. It could be guardian angels (see above) or engravings along the lines of «Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly». But also tools that are actually helpful, such as a whistle, which is handy if the cruise ship crashes into an iceberg and sinks. Or you can prepare for the next wave of the pandemic with mini disinfection dispensers.
Key ring
Quantity discount
CHF8.95 per piece for 3 units
Vanessa Beauty Disinfectant dispenser pendant - Mustard
Unfortunately, I still can’t decide which key ring to get. But at least I now know the range in the shop pretty well. When I was at the car dealership doing the handover, it occurred to me that they were giving me a pretty good key chain tag. It’s a plain piece made of black leather. I’ll probably just keep that. And leave my wife to agonise over choosing her own key ring.
Until then, I'll just keep the key ring from the dealership. What does that say about me?
Martin Jungfer
Head of Content
Martin.Jungfer@digitecgalaxus.chJournalist since 1997. Stopovers in Franconia (or the Franken region), Lake Constance, Obwalden, Nidwalden and Zurich. Father since 2014. Expert in editorial organisation and motivation. Focus on sustainability, home office tools, beautiful things for the home, creative toys and sports equipment.
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